Hallelujah Jazz Man Jean-Luc Picard sat staring out into the cold expanse of space. Normally the stars calmed him, healed him, but tonight he could find no solace. They reminded him that he was alone. That in itself was not the problem. Earlier that day he had told Will, Commander Riker, how he felt about him. It was clear the younger man had not felt the same. Picard would remember the look on Will Riker's face 'til the end of his days. Fear had been the first expression to flash across his face, closely followed by revulsion. Picard could cope with these, had coped with these all his life. When he had almost been thrown out of the Academy he had seen plenty of fear and revulsion. It had been the third expression that had threatened to break his heart. Riker had looked so disappointed in him. His image of his commanding officer changed from respected father figure to dangerous sexual creature. Like the moment you discover your parents have sex, but with the added fear that the interest is directed toward you. During his Academy days there had been no one for Picard to disappoint except Simon. That wound was still fresh despite the years that had passed. He berated himself for being foolish enough to expose himself to pain again. Did he really think Will could have wanted him? The only answer he could find was yes. He had thought that this man was different, was special. Once again he had been wrong. Once again he would bury the pain and the hurt under a shell of aloofness and hope that he would not hurt again. Not yet though, now he would let the pain wash over him to remind him that he could feel, that he was not so remote from life. He would let down his guard, but only for this one sweet moment. End Please send any feedback to - thanks.